Punktuation: How Hurts are hampering my happiness

5 Sep

Arrrgh. I hate it when a new band with a grammatically challenging name is pronounced the Next Best Thing. Lately, I can’t so much as THINK of turning on the TV or opening up a magazine without being confronted by new wunderband Hurts.

I quite like them, don’t get me wrong (their album was almost on a loop when I was working at Company magazine this summer), but since they refuse to use a definite article (where’s the ‘The’?!) I have no choice but to blacklist them.

Now, I know this has been done before. Look at Editors. To clarify, I am speaking about the band and not just a random gaggle of people with an eye for a typo (you SEE what happens?!). And them there Klaxons and Foals are also at it. Why oh WHY is everyone insisting on running around with names that cause sentences to sound silly and wallyish (just because I make up words doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to moan about gimpish grammar, aiiite?).

Let us take Foals, shall we? If I hear a sentence like “the latest track by Foals”, I am instantly getting images of baby doe-eyed horses twiddling with DJ knobs and thrashing away on guitars, perhaps before going for a nice afternoon nap with mummy horse.

In a similar way, if I bought an album by Fawns, I might expect a nursery rhyme remix of Doe, A Deer.

Admittedly, the difficulty is mostly derived from the fact that Foals is a bloody stupid name with or without the ‘the’. Don’t get me started on Klaxons (it is a truth universally acknowledge that a generic group of horns cannot a very good record make).

But I swear everything would make a little more self if they just called themselves The Foals (it’s like, metaphorical, right?) or The Klaxons (ahhh they’re a physical representation of a cacophonous noise-maker!). This makes sense. All is well.

However, Hurts had to go a flipping step further didn’t they? I can’t picture a hurt. If I try, the best I can come up with is something like a giant plaster or at a push, a contorted morose face. It’s certainly not conjuring up the images of the Bros look-a-like indie beauts that I see when I check Google Images.

Happiness by Hurts it out now, my TV tells me. So, what do we reckon? Are they saying they’re a collective group of pains? Or are they banging on about the fact that something, an indeterminable, is giving them jip- have they had a booboo?

Or are they just being annoyingly random and non-committal and causing me to spend more than a few minutes harping on about how ridiculous and insolvable this grammatical conundrum REALLY IS?


2 Responses to “Punktuation: How Hurts are hampering my happiness”

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